In Sickness And In Health

I was looking through old pictures today and came across this photo. It really got me thinking about how blessed I am for the family I have, especially my mother, who was our backbone the 2 years that my father battled lung cancer. I can't even count the number of times I came home to my mom and dad in the den, dad in his recliner and mom on the couch next to him reading the bible or a good novel out loud. Or the times I walked in the room to talk to my parents to find them asleep, holding hands. I can't forget the times I'd turn my car to come down our street and see my mom and dad and our dog, Sage going out for a walk. Or the times my mom would encourage my dad to do the things he loved, after all, cancer didn't mean he couldn't ride his motorcycle or rock out on the drums. One particular time I will never forgot was when I came home to my mom and dad both in the bathroom. Dad had such a discouraged look on his face as he sat on a bath chair because he couldn't walk up the stairs to our shower. My mother had just helped him bathe and get dressed. He looked at me and I knew exactly what he was feeling. He couldn't take care of himself anymore, he was scared. And there my mom was, drying off what little hair he had left with a towel and a smile on her face because she wanted him, my father, her husband to know that she would do whatever she had to in order to make him feel like he was going to be cared for no matter what the circumstances were. I want my mom to know I understand how hard it was. How hard it was to always be the positive one, how hard it was to argue with my dad, begging him to get out of his room and live his life, to try to get him to see that cancer wouldn't stop the world from spinning. And especially how hard it was to always be the one telling everyone it was going to be ok, even though she wasn't sure if it was. I want her to know how profoundly sweet it is for me to know that she was making his life worth living, even though she couldn't make him well, she was making him better. How very special it is to have found that, through illness, I was able to rediscover how much my mom and dad truly loved each other. The day my parents got married they exchanged vows. They both said "in sickness and in health" and neither of them knew the struggles they had yet to face. If you knew my dad, you know he considered himself the luckiest man in the world to have ended up with my mom. You see, his story was a little crazy. I guess you could say he was a little rough around the edges, and my mom, coming from a well known, well liked family who owned a successful business in a small town, well I guess you could say my parents story was like something out of a Nicholas Sparks book. The tough and troubled guy with a surprisingly soft heart falls in love with a girl way out of his league and they end up spending the rest of their lives together. I've always said my parents love story is my favorite. They never knew all the hardships they would face together and never guessed that something like cancer would affect our family in such a big way. I was always a "daddy's girl" and it wasn't until my last two years of high school that I realized how truly amazing my mom was. Yes, I've always appreciated and loved my mother unconditionally(and always knew she was pretty damn amazing) but there came a time when I looked at her as more than my mom, I looked at her as a best friend. Someone I could always turn to with any problem and she would always give me her honest opinion. If I had to thank my mom for the biggest things she has done to shape me into the person I am today, one would be the fact that she wasn't one of those moms who just pretended like their kids did no wrong and always sugar coated everything. She had no problem telling me when I was in the wrong and when I needed to straighten out. She knows me. She knows how I am and how I act in situations. She knows my terrible temper (I think because I got it from her, she's learned to control hers, I'm still working on that) and she knows I can sometimes expect everything to go my way. She has made me realize that when I get angry or upset I need to stop and really analyze the situation before I put all the blame on someone else, which is what I have a tendency of doing. But if I really had to think about the number one thing, the one thing I will always appreciate my mom for it would be caring for my dad. Caring for him throughout their time together and especially when he was sick. In all honesty, my dad would have never made it two years with cancer without my mom. I miss my dad like hell. Not a day, literally not one day has gone by in the year he has been gone that I haven't cried out for him. I miss everything about him. From his songs to his humor. The way he drug his slippers on the floor, and played with our dog, he loved her so much. To the way he would run up our stairs slamming his hands and feet on each stair and peek his head around the corner at the top and whistle really loud just to get a little rise out of his easily irritated kids. We all loved him so much even though sometimes he thought it was fun to annoy us. I can remember riding on his motorcycle with him, I would be so excited and think I was so cool because my dad had a Harley. When I was younger I went on rides with him frequently and one place we would always go was downtown by the work buildings that had huge glass windows in front. While we drove by he would tell me to look over and I thought it was so awesome seeing our reflection in those windows. That was when I was in fourth grade. Years passed before I got on his motorcycle again. It was my freshman year of college and he was about to put his bike away for the colder seasons and I asked for a ride. I think he was a little shocked considering I hadn't been on his bike in years but of course he said yes without hesitation. We drove around town, down Grand View and down the highway. I thought he was going through downtown to get back on Loras to go home. Well little did I know he was actually driving by the big glass windows I use to love to see myself on his motorcycle in. So many years had passed since I was that little girl on my dads motorcycle and he still remembered that one place we would always ride by. When we got home I got off his bike and just remember hugging him so hard, my dad was the best. There are so many special memories that I hold on to so tight like that with my dad. He was so special to me. I can't thank God enough for the time I got to share with him, and how I got to know him over the 21 years we were together. So many people tell me I am a spitting image of him and that makes me so proud. I see him in myself a lot, from my love for animals and music to the huge, soft heart that I carry. Some days I get angry thinking about how God took him way too early, but I quickly remind myself that he is in such a better place and one day I will be reunited with him. Growing up in a Christian family we would all go to church, besides my dad. He never fully believed in it all and was confused by our faith. A few years before he was diagnosed with cancer he was saved and turned his heart to Jesus. He once said to me he had no idea how he went so long without knowing the Lord's goodness. This is also something I will always thank my mother for because without her that never would have happened. I dream about the day I will see him again often. I dream about running into his arms and being able to call him dad again, face to face. I dream about thanking God for taking good care of him and holding my dad with Him in heaven. I do not wish my life short on this beautiful earth but I know when my time comes, hopefully when I'm a wrinkly old lady, I will be ready. I have been blessed with two extraordinary parents who have both sacrificed so much for their family and who have both made my life so beautiful. If you are reading this and still have both of your parents, hug them tight. People always say you can lose people in the blink of an eye. Many people think it won't happen to them but then it does and someone who you care about and love tremendously is gone. I was lucky enough to have let my father know how much I loved him, I told him every single day even before he was diagnosed with cancer. I got to be with my father, my hand on him as he left this world and moved on to his new home with God. But that's not always the case. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you because as cliché as it sounds, you never know which day will be yours, or a loved ones last.